In case you were feeling bad about the nominees who didn’t take home the coveted statue (we’re looking at you, Leonardo) this article will make you stop feeling bad about them right about now, because all the nominees who didn’t get the Oscar, went home with an Oscar goodie bag that is worth over $80,000! Yes, you read that correctly, there were given things, trips and procedures that are worth a cool 80 grand. Now, when you’re taking a closer look at all those important moments at the 2014 Oscars, think about what they got in that Oscar goodie bag and see if that changes your perspective a bit. Here are ten of those outrageous gifts!
10. Dosha Pops
Six of these Ayurvedic candies cost $35. So what are these Dosha Pops made of? Gold maybe? You would think so after glancing at the price, wouldn’t you? They’re actually tea-based lollipops and come in flavors such as velvet rope and head over hibiscus. It’s a good thing the company is advertising with celebrities, because they’re probably the only ones crazy (or rich enough) who would spend that much money on candy.
9. Maple Syrup
This bottle of maple syrup from Rouge Maple costs $280. Do you know what that means, besides that it’s simply insanely expensive? It means that one tablespoon of this stuff costs $20. I truly believe that nobody in their right mind will be feeling comfortable pouring this thing on their pancakes.
8. A Hair Transplant Coupon
The value of this coupon for hair transplant is $16,000! I am truly curious what Michael Fassbender is going to do with this coupon. Is he going to give it to a friend? Is he going to sell it? Maybe keep it in case he needs it? Nah, he’s probably going to laugh and put it in a drawer and forget about it.
7. Meal Donations
The nominee will pick the animal shelter and Ellen DeGeneres’s Halo Spot’s Stew pet food will give $6,100 in meal donations (which amounts at around 10,000 meals). This idea is pretty good and it will help plenty of hungry dogs and cats and it’s also the only thing in the goodie bag that’s not actually making the celebrities richer.
6. Mace Pepper Guns
We believe that these two items in the 2014 Oscar goodie bag are the most outrageous things you could add to such a goodie bag. I mean, these guys have their own bodyguards and people that surround them 24/7 and even when they’re alone, would they really carry around pepper sprays? Do you really see Meryl Streep using a pink Mace pepper gun?
5. A Bottle of Aviv 613 Vodka
The Aviv 613 Vodka is not vodka, it’s God’s tears. No, we’re just kidding, it is vodka, just in a fancier bottle. There are 73 hidden messages in the bottle and they’re visible when you hold the bottle at different angles against the light. This vodka’s also kosher, so that’s nice.
4. Walk Japan Tour of Japan
This is a pretty nifty gift! It is something that many would enjoy, we’re certain of it. But a tour of Japan is also something we guess that not many will go on just because they go it for free. The tour does cost a whopping $15,000 which is pretty high up there, even for celebrities, but we do see that many of these will be passed on to family members.
3. A Rocky Mountaineer Train Ride
It’s a train ride on the Rocky Mountaineer from Vancouver to Alberta, it costs $6,850 and it lasts for two days. We imagine Amy Adams would on this trip, but not Christian Bale, Jennifer Lawrence or Leonardo DiCaprio… because there are no Victoria’s Secret models on a two-day train ride in Canada.
2. Le Petit Cirque Troop
The nominees aren’t getting their own circus troop; they’re getting a circus lesson, which costs around $600. We really see Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie going to a circus lesson, it’s something they would enjoy and actually be good at. It’s also probably one of the most peculiar gifts we’ve ever heard of.
1. Vagina Injection
We would like to add before we say anything else about this, that we did not misspell the above subtitle. The 2014 Oscar goodie bag included a $2,700 “O-Shot” medical procedure that helps with the woman’s sex drive. We would also like to add that we think this is outrageously offensive and downright insane. I really want to meet the person who put these Oscar goodie bags together and thought it was a good idea to include injections to your vagina on the list. Really?!
What did you think about the Oscar goodie bag and the goodies in it? Some of the things were outrageous, weren’t they? We certainly think so. Let us know what you think in the comment section below.