Adibas, SQNY, Puna. We’ve all had at least a chance encounter with knock off products, pale but cheap imitations of big franchises and brands. And while some can be quite good copies, as is the case with countless Chinese counterfeit bags or pieces of jewelry, most are incredibly bad, and a lucky few are so bad… that you can’t help but buy/play them. Here are some of the latter.
10. Super Bat
This beguiling action figure might look like batman but he’s not. He is Batman’s RADICAL cousin, the Super bat! The super bat looks like the inevitable conclusion of the early 1990s. This is exactly what Batman would have turned into if the entire DC comics writing staff would have been replaced by Zeitgeist-y teenagers.
9. Chintendo Vii
A knockoff with legitimacy? Believe it or not, this pale imitation of the Wii is actually being marketed in both Japan and the US for about 70$. A tragic product it tries to emulate some of the games on the original Wii with such catchy titles as Fry Egg and Come On (no, that’s not a joke).
8. Snail Bob
Believe it or not this flash game which obviously capitalizes on the whole Sponge Bob name and brand is actually not horrible. In fact it is quite enjoyable in a simple back-to-basics way, after a long day of noob pwning in your preferred shooter series.
7. Politic Pat
What Pat is that? Pat Buchanan? First Lady Pat Nixon? This shameless Pokémon rip-off is hilarious and should be at home on the shelves of any oddity collector out there. The quality though is pretty good, the only thing that singles out this knock-off as special is the bizarre name. Stay tuned for more political hijinks.
6. PolyStation 3
You didn’t think that the Wii was the only one to get the Knock-off treatment did you? The difference was that while the Vii might appeal to somebody somewhere there is virtually no human being on earth that would play this. A broken plastic shell with some wires inside is all that this PolyStation that only plays one game is. And when the PS4 comes out you’re probably going to get one of these from your granny along with the classic question, “This is the one you wanted, right?”
David spade is back, he’s buff and he’s angry. The Spaderman knock off has nothing going for it apart for the name. At least Super Bat had a RADICAL skateboard to fight crime with. What does Spaderman have? Some black and some silver spider web things. At least give him a weapon or something…
… You know what? On second thought, don’t.
3. Star Raiders
Have you ever wondered what a wookie would look like if he was wearing yellow spandex tights and a Jedi robe? Well, you’re in luck. This star raider might be butch and unshaven but he is definitely from space! You can tell from all the cold war satellites shooting at each other in the background.
Bronies beware, a great sacrilege has been inflicted upon the land of peace and friendship by the land of cheap labour and dim sum. Assemble the cavalry and show everybody how a demon donkey can bleed like any other being.
1. The 2016 Democratic Ticket
Enough of this Hope and Change stuff, what we need is a true message and a real president. That’s why I support Harry Potter, a fictional character, for president in 2017. Of course, Mr. Potter is not an American citizen, or real for that matter, which is why he will need Obama on the ticket as vicepresident until he learns the ropes and expeliarmuses the nukes from the hands of Kim Jong Un. Unfortunately they need to work on their campaign mascot a bit more. That douchey three-color hedgehog looks familiar somehow…