5 Illuminati theories that scream

Though it’s clear that we are living in the age of speed and information overload and, as a consequence, quite possibly the age of MISinformation, ours is also a society that seems increasingly assaulted by conspiracy theories.

As such, it’s no surprise that the Internet is spammed with all sorts of “data” and “facts” from “involved parties” and “whistle-blowers” who have an amazing trove of information to reveal “that the government(s) don’t want you to see”, ranging from aliens to… where Elvis and Kurt Cobain are actually playing chess together and debating the finer points of guitar harmonies.

Not to say that there aren’t shady things going on that the general populace doesn’t know about, as history teaches if one reads the journals or witness accounts of past rulers and the powerful. Still, there are some things being posted that are too out there for even the most perfunctory logical analysis, like these 5 Illuminati theories that scream “crazy!”.

1. The Taylor Swift Incident

5 Illuminati theories that scream "crazy!" - The 2009 VMA Taylor Swift Incident

Taylor Swift’s worldwide embarrassment by Kanye West’s more than boorish interruption at the 2009 VMA? Nope. Illuminati. Initiation. Rite. That’s ri(gh)te. Every member of the Illuminati, in order to achieve full status, has to be publicly humiliated.

So, to be specific, Kanye was actually HELPING her get full rights by playing his role, probably at the command of Beyonce who orchestrated the thing herself, without telling Swift, so that her unprepared reaction was as real as possible.

And then? She returned on stage in the same color dress as Beyonce’s, called by Beyonce, who said she wanted Swift to “have her moment”. Member accepted.

2. Robin Williams’ Death

One of the 5 Illuminati theories that scream "crazy!" involves Robin Williams' death.

You think you know all about Robin Williams’ tragic death? You have no clue at all! Everything you heard about the great man’s tragic demise, that also happened to be thoroughly understandable if regrettable, is wrong!

In fact, the evidence in an episode of Family Guy (of all places), points to the *murder* of Robin Williams at the behest of two of the richest and most powerful families in the world (read Illuminati): the Hiltons and the Rothschilds.

In order to … secure the future of Nicky Hilton and James Rotschild, who announced their engagement the next day after Williams’ death, the actor had to be eliminated. That’s right.

If you find the above sentence hard to believe even after you’ve re-read it (or re-re-re-re-re-re-read it), feast your eyes on the evidence. In the episode in question (which was on BBC three just minutes before the announcement of Robin Williams’ death), Peter Griffin can inexplicably turn anything he touches into Robin Williams. Eventually he tries to shoot himself, but the gun turns into Robin Williams as well. Also, when the Daily Mail reported the story, the article ended up having a lot of 7’s, 9’s and 11’s in it, which hold great power for the Illuminati. Ooooooh, convinced now?

3. Beyonce’s Baby

Blue Ivy Carter is one of the 5 Illuminati theories that scream "crazy!"

In 2012 Beyonce had her first child, Blue Ivy Carter. Or did she?! (Queue in suspenseful music).

The theory goes that she actually had a surrogate mother carry Blue for… some reason which remains absent. And since we’re speaking of absence and reason, if you read Blue Ivy Carter backwards, you get “Lucifer’s daughter” in… Latin. Aaaand she’s destined to rule everyone by the New World Order.

The evidence? Her mother seemed to be wearing a prosthetic baby bump at an interview in Australia before her birth. Blue Ivy Carter was born just weeks before Whitney Houston’s death, who was naturally killed to make room for her (a common motif this making room thing – see Robin Williams’ Death).

4. Slim Shady’s More Shady Than Thought

Slim Shady is part of the 5 Illuminati theories that scream "crazy!"

Yooo, check it. Marshal Mathers (a.k.a. Eminem, a.k.a. Slim Shady) don’t got the mad skillz that e’rbody says. In fact, he sold his soul (literally, not as a figure of speech!) to the Illuminati before his career began. In exchange, he got the talent that gave us the first awesome releases, and him the platinum status and riches.

However, as these things are wont to go, he later got cold feet and decided he wants his soul back. As the Illuminati are professionals who appreciate the value of done deals, they didn’t like it that much so they took his talent away. Hence the 5 years of hiatus between “Encore” and “Relapse”.

Why, you ask? Because, of course, he either: A. spent those five years battling his Slim Shady alter ego to decide who would control Mathers’ mind and body and in the end Slim Shady won (hence “Relapse” AND his murdering of Proof, his good friend); oooor B. spent those five years battling his Slim Shady alter ego to decide who would control Mathers’ mind and body and in the end Marshall Mathers won, so the Illuminati arranged his death via car accident and then cloned him. You choose.

5. Disney – The Subliminal Message Machine

Biggest one of the 5 Illuminati theories that scream "crazy!" focuses on Disney.

Walt Disney? Mason. Ergo, Illuminati (or at least cousins or somethin’…). Occupation: able propaganda and subliminal message artist for the world rulers. Favorite M.O.? Sexual images (especially penises) in practically all the animations if you stop at the right moment and have a fairly active pareidolia. But also Illuminati symbols like The Eye of God (in “Dumbo”).

Movin’ on, even the Disney logo is actually the number 666 (probably if you view it in the fourth dimension…).

And also, if stop “Frozen” at the right scene you can see the body of Heath Ledger.

Confident that this small adventure with “The Truth” is enough to get you ummm… initiated, so you can now find your way on your own, let’s stop here.

Image source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.