10 Reasons to Keep your Individuality in a Relationship
Living happily ever after is something we all want, whether we are able to admit it or not, and the story of love that just keeps on growing, the lust that keeps on coming, the passion that burns and burns is so deeply rooted in our brains that we are sometimes ready to sacrifice all the rest for it, our individuality being more often than not the first victim. But the success of the relationship often depends on our abilities to remain true to ourselves and not blend into the relationship. And although everyone believes that being selfish is a negative, a little self-concern can go a long way.
Remain the person your significant other fell in love with
The first mistake all of us do is trying too hard to please the other by being different than we really are. There is nothing wrong with dressing up, wearing a bit of make-up, but when it comes to changing personality traits such behavior can backfire on us faster than we think. First of all because self-improvement must always come from a need within and not a necessity outside of ourselves, if this is not the case, the change will lack sustainability and more often than not you will find yourself falling back into old behavior. Second of all because none of us can keep the act up forever and when our loved one notices the change, he will accuse us of changing, of not being the person they once knew.
Time together is as important as time apart in a relationship
Therefore do not forget about your likes and dislikes, about the small things that bring you joy even if they are not shared by your partner. There is no need to abandon them because they bring you some much deserved “me-time”. Go out taking pictures or dancing with your best friend, while he goes out with the guys. You will not only be the cool-girl in his eyes, but when he comes home he will have missed you enough to give the passion between you a much needed jolt.
Friendships should not end when you are in a relationship
- We have all been there: our best friend meets the perfect guy and suddenly stops going out for drinks, shopping or other activities you did before. But in all fairness, you were not only the waiting friend but also the one doing all the refusing. So the next time you meet a nice guy, remember that your life does not pause in all other aspects but him. Maintaining friendships is crucially important for your well-being so do not neglect the people that have been making your life sweeter since before HE came along.
Live your dreams
Some of the decisions we have to make while being in a relationship involve sacrifice and setting aside our personal desires for the greater good. But it does not have to be the norm. Compromise is a wonderful thing but that does not mean all your goals come second. Personal accomplishments, career advancement and satisfaction with one’s life will only enforce the love you hold for yourself and therefore the love he or she feels for you.
This is a very important aspect of a relationship. Even if we feel the need to be with our significant other 24/7, some time apart may be much needed. Personal time is very important and while 100% of your presence is expected when you are together, you have to be able to enjoy the time apart. That means no constant calling, texting, chatting- this only robes the moments you would otherwise enjoy of significance. Let them come to you and give them the opportunity of missing you.
Our significant other is not our only interest
Before they entered our lives, we would talk about ballet, music, the jacket we saw in some shop, a new book we read, advancement opportunities, but all of a sudden, everything that comes out of our mouth is significant-other-related. That cannot bring positive things with it as all your universe will never revolve only around him. So be sure to keep speaking about the things that interest you other than him.
Pulling away pulls him closer
Much like magnets, opposites attract, but when you are constantly pushing towards your significant other, you may just accomplish the opposite and make them feel like you are coming on too strong. But when you keep your interests in mind, when your presence is a worked-for prize, when your time is precious, you will see how your loved one will actively plan dates and be appreciative for the time he gets with you.
Do not make them feel guilty
In symbiotic love relationships, one part always gives more, compromises significant parts of themselves in order to maintain a peaceful relationship. But that means that they renounce plans and desires whenever their loved one wants to see them. This in time builds resentment, as your significant other will continue to enjoy the things he did without you as you will continuously cancel plans in order to be with him. So keep this in mind and don’t let yourself fall into this death spiral where in the end, you will complain to them that their sacrifices for the relationship are insufficient.
Be his equal
Yes, while some still think that the ideal family involves a man providing financially and a woman creating the warm home environment, modern society has brought sex equality. So your career will be an important thing in your relationship: you never know when one of you will experience job difficulties so be sure you are able to make your significant other feel safe at your side knowing that you are self-sufficient and able to share the costs if such a time would ever come. Always keep advancing, search for promotion possibilities as this will bring you great joy and him great pride.
Treat him as you would like to be treated
If you like others respecting your personal time and individuality, it is only obvious that you would like to extend your loved one the same courtesy. That means that while pursuing your own goals, you allow him to follow his calling and support him while doing it. Why not be an unconventional princess that instead of waiting for her Prince Charming in her castle would be busy fighting her own dragons and only then join him, to ride beside him through the castle gates?