Every relationship has its ups and downs, but one of the most important ingredients of a lasting relationship is trust. Once lost, it will be difficult to reestablish. Keeping small secrets is no big deal in a relationship (they keep the dose of mystery), but there some secrets you should never keep from your partner. Here are ten secrets you should never have in a relationship.
In a marriage, all expenses should be known. When you go shopping secretly without the knowledge of your partner and keep money aside and purchase something you do not want him to know about (because you probably spend too much money on it), it is clear that the relationship is not based on trust.
2. Intimacy dissatisfaction
If you start to pretend that everything goes smoothly from in the bedroom and you do not tell your partner about it, your life may turn upside down. It’s like a ticking bomb waiting to explode. The simplest solution is sincere communication and trying to bring a bit of spice in the bedroom.
3. You make alliances with the children against him
When you say in front of children something bad about the other parent, you are doing damage in two directions. First, you put on the shoulders of children something you cannot manage yourself and you put them in the position of having to choose one side over the other. Secondly, you will create a wall between you and your partner. Again, the best way is to talk it over a find a solution together. Plus, you shouldn’t involve the kids in your marital issues.
If you go out with friends for a beer, it’s no problem. But if you drink alone, then try to cover your tracks, this can be an indication that you are starting to have problems with alcohol abuse. What are you unhappy about? Why do you drink? What are your frustrations? Answer these questions before you look at alcohol as a solution to your problems. Get support from your spouse and a psychologist, if necessary.
When people are angry, they say a lot of things they do not mean. If in the last conversation your partner said something that upset you, tell him. Maybe then, when you are both calm, you can talk about it like real adults and find a solution. Arguing can be constructive in a relationship, but you should set limits in terms of vocabulary, so as to avoid offensive language.
6. Something from the past that haunts you
Did you take naked pictures? Were you ever arrested for fighting in a bar? Better tell everything from the beginning. It can be embarrassing to find stuff like this about your partner form a Google search or from common friends. You can start with “I want to tell you something. It’s hard, but it is a part of my past and the idea haunts me”.
No matter how much you want to keep it a secret, a diet is not something you should hide. You lose weight, right? And your partner will see you slimming down from day to day. He could imagine that there is someone else in your life and you want to look good for that person. In addition, if you have an eating disorder, your partner could help you overcome it. Whenever you are starting something, it’s good to tell your partner about it because he can support you in your endeavor.
8. Bad thoughts
When you have bad thoughts, it would be good to share them with your partner. Depression is a serious illness that cannot be overcame alone. You need all the support and specialized care you can get. Share your fears, feelings, frustrations, vulnerabilities.
9. Insecurities about the marriage itself
If you are having second thoughts, no good can come out of keeping them a secret. Share your thoughts with your partner. Maybe he feels the same, maybe it is normal to have these feeling. Whatever it is, the best thing you can do is to talk about it.
10. Personal failure
We would all like to believe that we are the best at what we do, but most of the time, this is not the issues. Every day, at work, we are confronted with challenges and something we don’t handle them in the best possible way. Talk to your partner if you have problems at work. Maybe he can offer some advice. Maybe he believes the same as you do, that you need to look for a new job. Don’t look at the situation as a failure, but rather as an experience that will help you grow professionally. The workplace can be an important source of stress and if you do not talk about it, something small can become this huge thing.
Have you ever kept one of the secrets mentioned above from your partner?