If you’ve clicked on this article to find out how to pick up someone, you’re in the wrong place. For that, try the best dating websites or simply go out to a bar and maybe you’ll meet someone nice. And when you do meet that nice person, remember not to serve them any of these lines. They are so awesomely bad, they’re funny, but believe it or not, there are people out there who are still using these. Read on and have a laugh but do keep in mind that these will never work on anyone, ever. Unless you’re going for I want to scare and disgust you into never wanting to be near me ever again. If that’s what you’re going for, then write them down in your book and good luck! But don’t blame us if they get you in trouble.
10. Was your father a baker? ‘Cause you’ve got the nicest set of buns I’ve ever seen!
What girl doesn’t want to be complemented about her backside in such a direct and crude manner?! Throwing her father in the conversation will hit that spot that will make any girl want to crack your skull open and plant daisies in there.
9. If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don’t worry, I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.
Of course, kidnapping talk! The cutest and most romantic sweet talk you could ever serve to a girl. How about instead you simply write a letter to Santa to get you some brains for Christmas, or better yet, go look for him at the North Pole!
8. If you were a burger at McDonald’s you’d be the McGorgeous.
What girl doesn’t love being compared to a fatty McDonald’s burger. Seriously, you need to get out more, the best dating websites are out there waiting for you – brush up on your conversational skills and when you’re ready, get out into the real world, not before you’ve made a stop to a fast-food joint, of course.
7. Hey…somebody farted. Let’s get out of here.
Farts are funny, aren’t they? They are, but not when you’re trying to pick up someone. If someone really did fart, then maybe you do have a shot at this. Save the girl from a foul smell, she’ll definitely thank you later.
6. Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
The smart-ass! Possible answers would be: Yes, I might have some raisins, let me go home and check or maybe Here’s some money, go buy yourself some if you’re that desperate. Seriously, if you’re thinking to try this one on someone, stop your train of thought and eat a banana. Or a date, if you’re that anxious about having some.
5. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
How lovely, the serial killer/ creeper line! Use it if you want to see how fast a girl can run while calling 911 at the same time. Don’t say it, even if you’ve been dared to do it and are drunk at 3 AM in an iffy bar. These types of jokes simply aren’t funny, but you should know this already, right? Right?!
4. Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
From the same batch as I’ve ****ed your daughter/ Can I have some water – Screw me/ Excuse me is pretty funny, but do not attempt it! You could choose the mature version and simply say Excuse me, but haven’t we met before, although this one’s pretty lame, too. Unless you really did meet before!
3. You must be a parking ticket, because you’ve got fine written all over you.
We must admit, this one’s pretty awesome! If you manage to say this one so that they’ll know you’re not serious, you might even get a smile. Not so sure about a date, though. Calling a girl fine will make you seem like you’ve popped up from a Boys II Men video from 1996.
2. You are so sweet you are giving me a toothache.
Ah, yes! Pain – what girl doesn’t want to be compared to a toothache? What else could say if you really felt the need to tell a girl she’s sweet? How about: Hey, I think you’re cute, can I buy you a drink? No guarantees there, but at least you won’t be sounding like a 13-year old who’s trying to make their colleagues laugh.
1. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bed Rock!
Whoever came up with this one, must think of themselves as witty and funny. While the line is funny, it’s also lame and rude. People who are capable of saying such a line? Construction workers who will shout out from the top of their lungs while they’re up on a ladder. They could never say it in front of you, because they’re friends can’t hear them say it. They always require a crowd.
We know people aren’t using these lines when they’re trying to pick up someone, but we all know someone who’s tried something like this and now they have a fun story to tell. If you’re trying to get a date, try being honest and charming – even when you’re smooth talking someone on the Internet. The best dating websites on the Internet are waiting for you!