Look, truth is, you never know when man-eating monsters will attack, so why not be ready with any of these ten items of zombie survival gear. You know the streets aren’t safe, you know the zombie invasion might strike at any moment, so… better safe than sorry. Browse, shop, and stay safe.
1. Zombie Identification Chart Fridge Magnet
The first step you need to take in preparing to withstand a zombie attack is to know who is friend and who is foe. This $5.99 fridge magnet will give you a simple, handy infograph on who’s a zombie and who isn’t. Some people will just come at you with arms outstretched – that does not make them a zombie! The identification chart is available as a mug print, too, if magnets are just not your thing.
2. Personal Locator Beacon
Okay, so, at $399.95, the Arctreuse ACR Electronics SARLink 406 personal locator might strike you as a bit on the expensive side. But if you want the best in zombie survival gear, you need to be willing to invest a little. This little gadget offers a three-level integrated signal technology, with quick access to a global network of Search and Rescue satellites. This way, the rescue teams will always know where to come looking for you, when zombies attack!
3. Neck Protector
The JT Bodyguard, priced at only $7, is ideal if you run into a tamer kind of zombie, who won’t attack you straight to the head. In case they make for the neck, this priceless piece of gear will make sure you stay safe and protected. Until, of course, the looting, senseless murders and pillaging begin.
4. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
In order to survive zombies, you’ve got to understand them first. For just a little over $10, you can with this awesome new title, marketed as a ‘classic regency romance – now with ultraviolent zombie mayhem!’ So, make like Elizabeth Bennet and get ready to fight off some living dead, since “it is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”
5. Razor Full Face Helmet
Okay, so now you’re informed, you’re kind of protected and you can easily be located. The next item on your essential list of zombie survival gear is a full-face helmet. The Razor, available for $45, is just what you need in case you ride a motorbike. Or, erm, if you’r trying to fight off a rabid army of brain eating dead creatures brought back to life.
6. Zombie Brain Gelatin Mold
This valuable item costs only $6.99, but it’s the $6.99 that might save your life in case of a zombie attack. You’ve got several perks here. Make your own delicious brains with the included mold, and learn to think like your enemy. Store brain supplies – in case of an attack you’ll be nourished for a while. Pose like a zombie in front of attackers. You eat braaaaains, you’re one of them. Make poisonous brains for zombies, and eliminate them without them even suspecting it.
7. 205-Piece Outdoor First Aid Kit
If worst comes to worst and you are attacked, or if you come across an unsuspecting victim, who has fallen to the zombie plague, be prepared to offer them basic first aid with this 205-piece kit. It contains all the essentials, educational cards which explain injury treatment, and costs a measly $16.45. A small price to pay for saving your brain, isn’t it?
8. Walkie-Talkie Headsets
Hollywood has taught us all that people in horror scenarios must stick together (but never do), and that cell phones always break down (when you most need them). Thus, in preparing for the zombie apocalypse, invest less than $25 in this pair of transparent security headsets, which makes use of the PTT/VOX technology. You will stay connected, without the zombies ever suspecting it.
9. Survival Backpack
In the face of zombies, run. Stock all your zombie survival gear in Life Gear’s Wings of Life backpack, priced at $84.54 and head out into the wild. The backpack comes stocked with five days worth of non-thirst inducing food, leather gloves, an all weather-poncho, a thermal blanket, a compass, a signaling whistle and tons of other priceless items that you will need, in order to survive as humanity’s final hope…
All right, so you’re more than ready to survive. Now’s the time to deal out a fair share of mayhem yourself. Gear up and prepare to sever zombie heads from zombie bodies with this Black & Decker CCS818 18-Volt Cordless Electric Chainsaw. You can get it for $90, it weighs only 9.5 pounds and comes with a two-year warranty. If you can survive the zombies for two years, that is…