10 Hilarious Australian Comparisons (And Even Insults)
Australian sounds like English but with a sweet, sometimes impossible to understand accent. Still, we have to admit the tone, the accents, the phrasing, the sound are incredibly attractive, and if you remember the famous TV show House MD and remember how doctor Chase was talking, you will know what we mean. Aussies are fun people and have a fun language too. Still, if you dig deeper into their everyday conversations, you will hear phrases and expressions, not to mention comparisons and even curse words that are so creative, sometimes outrageous and every time hilarious that you will just want to learn more of those. They are plenty and easy to find, but today we will laugh together at only ten absolutely funny phrasal constructions that Australians believe that are comparisons, while many people find them quite offensive. If you’re weak at heart, skip this article, though…
1. Better than a slap in the face with a wet fish
Somebody, sometime ago, took a slap in the face with a wet fish. Otherwise, how one can even come with such comparison?
2. Dry as a dead dingo’s donger
Aussies seem quite fond of this interesting animal, as they mention it in more than one expression…
3. Off like a bride’s nightie
Means that something happens very fast and in a blink of an eye, and compared to a bride’s wedding night, we might say that Aussies know how to live…
4. Full as a fat man’s undies
Because it’s so yesterday to just say “I had enough to eat” or “I’m full”. Imagery is visuals in Australia go as far as their imagination can take them.
5. As bent as a nine dollar note
This doesn’t mean one has a back pain so terrible he can’t stand straight, but it is an offensive (yet metaphorical) way to talk about a man who is homosexual.
6. She’s wider than a choir-boy’s asshole
We can’t even begin to describe how offensive, rude and out of proportions is this comparison. And this whole array of meanings, insults and not-so-subtle references, just to describe a woman who is fat. Just fat. Incredible!
7. Madder than a baptist in a brothel
What have baptists in common with brothels, you may ask? The answers lies in Aussies’ anger. Cause this is what this expression means: “I’m very angry”
8. As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp
We might think this means something that is painful, given the fact that chewing a wasp may be a traumatic experience, but this is another way of saying that something or someone is just damn ugly.
9. Flat out like a lizard drinking
Doesn’t mean somebody drank off his minds. Sarcastically speaking, somebody is just very very busy.
10. Happy as a bastard on Father’s Day
Well that’s just…sad…