… and what they really mean. Let’s face it, a little white lie never hurt anyone. Especially if that little white lie helped us not go out in the cold, get out of bed, or avoid helping a friend move furniture up the stairs, because you’re such a great friend. We’ve all done it, so it must be OK. It’s alright to get out of things using a little lie, sometimes. Just don’t make it a habit, because then people will catch on, eventually. Here are 10 things that we say when we cancel plans and what they really mean.
10. Colleagues
What we say: I’m halfway done with that report. As soon as I finish it, I’ll help you out.
What we mean: I haven’t even started and when I do, I’ll take as long as possible, so that I don’t have to help you. I mean, it’s your job, do it!
9. Significant Other
What we say: Let’s spend the weekend in bed sleeping.
What we mean: Let’s spend the weekend in bed having crazy monkey sex all day long and then eat naked in the kitchen while listening to loud music. And then when that’s over, we should have some more crazy monkey sex and then finally get some sleep.
8. Parents
What we say: I’m not looking for anyone, that’s why I’m single. It’s entirely my decision, so stop asking.
What we mean: I am alone and nobody loves me, mommy! I have tried and tried and it seems that I repel men/women. Is there something wrong with me, daddy? Is there?!
7. Cat/Dog
What we say: That’s right, Meetzee, mommy/daddy’s going to give you this yummy food and then you and I are going to cuddle and get some much needed sleep.
What we mean: I am on the verge of becoming a crazy cat person and the only thing that’s keeping me from snapping is the fact that I still have an ounce of respect for myself. Not for long, though.
6. Food
What we say: I could eat.
What we mean: I am so hungry that I would devour an entire pizza and then wish I hadn’t done that just so that I would have room for another pizza. But I can’t tell you how hungry I am, so I’ll just casually throw the “I could eat” line and hope you decide to go somewhere and eat.
5. Car
What we say: My car won’t start and I can’t make it to the meeting. Yes, I’ve just called for help and they said they’d be here in 15 minutes. I’ll let you know how it goes.
What we mean: I can’t. I just can’t today. It’s such a beautiful day outside and I don’t want to come in to work today. But I will, just later.
4. Friends
What we say: I can’t go out tonight, I think I’m coming down with something and I want to rest. I know I’m not fun anymore!
What we mean: I have a date with an entire season of Orange is the New Black and I believe it’s going to take a while. You guys aren’t fun anymore!
3. School
What we say: I stayed up all night and studied. I drank a gallon of Red Bull and managed to only go through half the book. I hope I pass.
What we mean: I slept until 12 o’clock at night, woke up, drank some Coke, read a few pages and then fell asleep with the book on my chest and woke up this morning and panicked. I hope I pass.
2. Job
What we say: I have tons of work to do and I don’t have time to blink. I’m just going to stay in and catch up.
What we mean: I want to stay in bed with my pet, devour an entire plate of spaghetti, and drink a bottle of wine while watching the auditions from America’s Got Talent!
1. Sex
What we say: I’m not in the mood tonight.
What we mean: Did you really mean it when you said that you actually liked Jenna/Jim?! How could you think they’re attractive? They’re horrible! I’m just going to hold out sex for tonight as a punishment for having an opinion different than mine.
Did you enjoy our things that we say when we cancel plans? What other excuses do you come up with? Care to share? Do it in the comment section below and help a fellow out.
