Chief Marketing Guru

A while ago, when most of us decided for a certain career path or joggled with a few jobs to test the waters and the marketplace, job titles weren’t basically the funniest things around, nor a subject of continuous Internet humor as we are witnessing today. People usually wanted to become doctors, lawyers, engineers, programmers, teachers or astronauts and if you bumped into a tech – savvy teenager claiming to wish to become a “marketing guru”, you would probably look at him with a raised eye – brow and a condescending smile and moved along, as your solid choice of becoming a psychologist sounded more legit and viable than any youngster’s dream of turning into some Internet Lord. There are, of course, very good and very weird jobs out there, but most of them we could understand. But that teenager grew up and he indeed became some sort of guru, or so his LinkedIn or business card says. Today we will look at ten crazy job titles (which are hilarious, weird and vague enough for you to understand what exactly does that person for a living) and let you decide if it’s time for a career change or at leas a thorough revamping of your online professional profile.

1. Chick Sexer

chick sexer

Don’t think this is your regular Facebook pervert – stalker making money out of…something, but this is a real job and describes the person who determines the sex of the chickens in a farm. It sounds cool enough and with some meanings added to it, but let’s imagine a work day in the life of this poor fellow…

2. Digital Archeologist

digital archeologist

He is probably fetching and compiling data while building archives nobody reads. Although Digital Archeology was an interesting project back in 2010, we are truly wandering what is the digital archeologist doing now or how exactly does his job description sound.

3. Senior Road Warrior Marketing Intern

Senior Road Warrior Marketing Intern

The key concept here is “intern”, probably the one that has to travel a lot of distances every day fetching the coffee and newspapers for the paid employees. The added “warrior” label has to be related to this fellow’s everyday struggles to endure the corporate life minus the corporate paycheck.

4. Pornography Historian

pornography historian

… Because the Maya culture has enough historians as it is, pornography needs its own niche of researchers, scientists, historians and PhD’s. So… is he like watching old porn? Is the digital archeologist helping him dig up old porn from the ancient eras of soft – core?

5. Chief Marketing Guru

Chief Marketing Guru

That’s the teenager we were talking about! He made it! He is a chief marketing guru, and even if the “guru” label is kind of old and overused, we feel that this individual is the king of ROI. Whatever he campaigns, he turns into gold. His marketing is like his inner self: enlightening, highly spiritual, powerful and serene.

6. Accounting Ninja

Accounting Ninja

Ninja skills seem to be very much appreciated in accounting and we bet that if this one manages to make those debts disappear without a trace from the company’s records, then he should be promoted to accounting ninja guru or something, as not many people can pull off ninja tricks with numbers, accounts and sums of money. Who is he working for, anyway?

7. Chief Thought Provoker

Chief Thought Provoker

That’s the guy that made a life’s mission to disagree with everything and oppose to everything, so it’s only natural that he is the chief thought provoker, not because he might stir some creativity and original brainstorming in the team, but because he provokes the others to invent the most creative arguments to shut him up. Pretty neat!

8. Bride Kidnapping Expert

bride kidnapping expert

…because every wedding party should consult with him in order to get the details of the bride kidnapping in perfect order and clarity, otherwise who knows what might happen? What is amazing is not that this job title actually exist (probably self – proclaimed) but that there might actually be people paying for these services. This is by far one of our favorite crazy job titles in the list! Is this job like amazing or what?

9. Chief People Herder

Chief People Herder

This has to be the HR manager! Or the online community manager? Herding people can mean recruiting, stirring them on the right path, jobs involving a lot of responsibilities, hard work, team work skills, knowledge and preparation. While loving this job title, we cannot help but wonder: are there any people – herding extra classes or courses we could take? It would help us in herding even more views on our website than we already have, as we don’t have a chief marketing guru among us yet, maybe the herder could be exactly what we need!

10. Plant Psychologist

Plant Psychologist

We were saying something about psychology earlier? Now, we nailed that, didn’t we? There is at least one plant psychologist out there and if anybody gets in touch with this specialist, please ask from our behalf how many psychologists needs a plant to change, as we already know the answer in the light bulb’s case.

Now we hope we didn’t offend anybody with this list, but let’s face it, it’s fun and quite challenging. Although you will find most of these crazy job titles mostly in start-ups and independent ventures, meeting a Digital Overlord or a Conversation Architect must be quite a moment! There are plenty of other crazy job titles, and you can take a look here for more examples.