Nowadays, a growing number of couples live a healthy, rewarding life together without needing the papers to prove their love as genuine, strong, or beautiful. For a variety of reasons, these couples are not planning a wedding. However, there is always at least one friend (and especially a family member) to nose around and ask the annoying question “When are you getting married?” The question is a well meaning question with great merit. But when you can’t go anywhere, see anyone, or talk to large groups of people without hearing the question, then it’s time for a backup plan! You need comedic anecdotes, with a hint of shock factor, that will silence the inquisitive and provide you some humor in the process. No matter if you’re a man or a woman, these funny comebacks are adaptable enough to save you both from future shenanigans at the next family dinner or friend’s party.
1. When I win the lottery
It can be used to suggest that the probability of you walking down the aisle is statistically so little it can be synonymous to “never”! Furthermore, you can explain that weddings are costly and you can’t afford such expenses. As a safeguard, mention that you have to save for the possible divorce, as responsible people always prepare for the unexpected. Your aunts won’t be happy with the answer, but at least it will shut them up for a while.
2. When his / her wife / husband gets out of jail and grants him / her the divorce
Now that’s a double shot and will certainly leave any nosy buddy in enough awe of you long enough to have time to change the subject or flee the scene. Talking casually about your partner’s imaginary spouse is shocking enough, but add “jail” and “divorce” in the same phrase and nobody will ask the question again.
3. When is your funeral?
It works with old members of the family you don’t like much, but don’t do this to any of your parents or they will be heartbroken. It may work brilliantly with that old annoying family member you see once every few years at family gatherings. Chances are you won’t even have to invite her to the wedding – if it happens – as she probably won’t speak to you ever again.
4. We did get married last week in Vegas. Sorry for not inviting you
You can actually push a little further and go on by telling the person you wanted a small, intimate ceremony which gathered only the family and very close friends. Make sure you won’t lose a friend over this answer. If things get a bit hot, make sure they won’t get upset with you for making a tasteless joke.
5. After nobody else asks me this
Tell your friends and family that you will get married only after nobody ever asks you again this question. This will get them puzzled and quiet for a while.
6. I’m waiting to get pregnant first, I love pregnant wedding dresses
Not recommended to fire this one to your parents, but if you have some friends you don’t like much, this one is meant to make them back off. Sometimes for good, depending on how sarcastic you are when answering.
7. When you have a baby
Married couples have the habit of asking the unmarried this question, as if they are auditioning for new members in the club. So, if you are already on the verge of a nervous breakdown at work, because your married co-workers don’t miss a chance to ask and ask again, this reason is sure to stop them in their tracks. Even if you already gave them the true answer once, use this comeback to make them back off, especially if you know the person in question doesn’t want to have a child soon enough.
8. Right now, if you’re proposing, it’s you who I really want in life!
We like this one because, if used correctly, it makes the person asking the question go silent while sparking a bit of embarrassment. The level of shock is quite damaging as it’s baffling to hear an unexpected and immediate love declaration. If you also manage to act like you’re overwhelmed with emotions and even mimic the intent of a hug or a kiss, the scene is complete. However, don’t be surprised if the friend in question avoids you for a while.
9. When he / she proposes
In the case of the ladies, the answer is legit and honest. Maybe their partner wants to get married and wait for the right time to pop the question and show off with the ring. But if you are a guy and somebody asks you this, you can tell them you’re waiting for her to propose, that will pretty much ruin everything tradition, society, and Hollywood movies taught them so far.
10. Not soon, I hear married sex is boring
This one will silence the critics for a while, especially if they are already married and have complained of unhappiness in their current relational situation. Pushing painful buttons is not recommended when dealing with close friends, as it is a cruel move. In the case of annoying co-workers and uptight relatives, feel free to have fun with this one!
There are many other funny comebacks to this age-old question. What are some of your favorites? We would love to hear them!