35 New Chuck Norris Facts and Jokes You Need to Know
Oh well, we all love a good joke from time to time, but what we love most, is Chuck Norris. What would this world be without Chuck Norris in it and especially without the famous and ever – growing collection of Chuck Norris facts and jokes that are still cracking us up, even if we know most of them from our childhood years. Kudos to this great actor, martial law expert and super – heroic figure who turned into an Internet god and stays that way for eons and kudos to the entire community of jokers who don’t think our favorite indestructible super star is an old, fade, worn – off piece of entertainment, but a constant source of amusement. There are few people who don’t know a few Chuck Norris jokes and since there are many new out there, we thought to present you with a funny collection gathered around from the web. So without much ado, here are 35 new Chuck Norris facts and jokes you need to know!
1. Chuck and the Terminator
The Terminator has a Chuck Norris tattoo
2. The Green Mile
Chuck Norris once went to America’s Toughest Prison for a vacation. After thirty seconds of violence, an angry mob of 1000 convicts demanded to be put on Death Row
3. Hottest man in the Universe
Chuck Norris is so hot he makes the sun sweat.
4. Chuck’s Personal Diary
Chuck Norris has a diary. It’s called the Guinness Book of World Records.
5. Chuck’s Dogs
6. Texas Ranger
7. Acting Career
Chuck Norris was in a Jack Ryan movie. He was The Sum of All Fears.
9. Darwin’s Theory
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
10. Useless rivalry
Neo can bend spoons with his mind but Chuck Norris can bend light with his voice
11. Secrets of the World War II
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
12. The thing everybody is looking for
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favorite coffee mug.
13. Cross – references
In the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ movies, Davey Jones asks doomed sailors “Do you fear Chuck Norris?”
Chuck Norris CAN argue with a man holding a running chainsaw.
15. Chuck’s Blood Type
Chuck Norris’s Blood Type is AK-47.
16. Children’s Play
18. Pet companion
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear as a rug in his living room. It’s not dead, it’s just afraid to move.
19. …and justice for all
Chuck Norris was charged with attempted murder. The judge immediately dropped all charges, saying, ‘Chuck Norris does not ‘attempt’ murder.
20. Flying airplanes like a boss
Chuck Norris can fly a plane while jogging.
21. Spin the wheel
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
22. Geography and Administration
In the near future, Dallas will be renamed Chucktown, and Chuck Norris will be the city’s only lawman. The crime rate will drop to zero.
23. Chuck’s Fists
Chuck Norris’ left fist is called “Larry” and his right fist is called “Moe”. When he hits you with Larry, you won’t want no Mo’
Chuck Norris can rhyme things with the word ‘orange.’
25. Music and Detective Work
Chuck Norris found what U2 is looking for.
People don’t tell Chuck Norris jokes, they simply tell his life story.
27. Remote fighting skills
Chuck Norris once shot down a fighter jet by pointing his finger at it and saying “bang!”
28. Sleeping disorders
Chuck Norris gives the Grim Reaper night terrors.
29. Chuck and social media
Chuck Norris has no friends on Facebook. Just enemies.
30. Gourmet dishes
Chuck Norris can squeeze caviar out of a lemon.
31. Breaking the law
Chuck Norris got his second speeding ticket for doing 137 MPH in his Corvette. When he was 9.
32. Food champion
Peanut butter has a Chuck Norris allergy…
33. The way things go
The Internet uses Chuck Norris for information.
34. Cooking like a pro
Chuck Norris can Barbeque-under water.